Violated all Over Again

With all the recent talk about sex abuse and being able to talk more about my own experience, I remembered an incident that happened about 10 or so years ago.

This is the first time I'm telling anyone about this incident.
It was around the time I finally got the courage to call RAINN (the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) and discuss my rape. I was starting to be comfortable talking about it and knew that I was not to blame for my assault.
 I was in a chat room for survivors and people supporting them. There was a young guy taking and he had said someone close to him (girlfriend, I think) was sexually abused by a family member. He said he was writing a book about sexual assault and was looking to talk to anyone willing to discuss their feelings and how it had affected them. He said he needed the POV of a survivor.
I was happy to help him and we spoke a little bit about my assault. Just some basic things like my age at the time, the circumstances, where I was, etc. Nothing too personal. He asked me if I would be comfortable talking on the phone, and offered to give me his number.
So a day or so later, he contacted me via the chat and asked me if it was a good time to call him. I did and he was very nice and comforting. He told me about his friend and his empathy for her. He told me he wished he could better understand what she was feeling so he could help her heal. I told him that in my opinion he should give her time and just be there. When she was comfortable talking, she would. It was then that he turned the conversation back to me. He started asking me about my assault. He wanted more details. I started to question his motives for wanting to know. He had not told me he would be wanting to hear specifics. I then realized that he was actually enjoying hearing me talk about it and possibly was going to get off on it. I then realized that there probably was no book and possibly no friend that was a survivor. I felt really stupid but more so, I felt violated all over again. Can you imagine how vile and disgusting a person you have to be to actually put a sexual assault survivor through something like that?  Then I thought about all the other girls in the chat and wondered how many fell for his story. Many of the girls I had been talking to were much younger than me. If he fooled me, I can only imagine what he did to them. I broke contact with him and immediately reported him to a moderator for the group.
Just another reason it is so very hard to open up to people. I'm usually much smarter than that.


https://www.rainn.org/