Thursday, May 2, 2013

Single (And Happy) White Female

So I was on Twitter a few minutes ago and somehow the subject of being married vs. single came up with a few of my followers.

Someone  said they have been single for a long time and would like someone to "do things with". Another person noted that being single is surely better than feeling like you "settled" or being a "boring housewife".

 I myself have been single for what some people may find far too long. After my last long term relationship broke up, I didn't rush out back into the dating pool, and I admit I got very comfortable living that way. It's easy to fall into a routine of working, coming home, doing my own thing and mostly not having to worry about what another person is doing. I really do value my alone time. Some may say that's selfish. But isn't that better than being with someone just because it's what society feels is right? Should I have settled for a lifetime of being with someone I really don't love and doesn't love me just to avoid being alone. Hell no.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying I am happier being single. I do like having a person to do things with. I enjoy lots of activities that are much more fun when you have  another person with you.  But do I feel like  less of a person because I'm single? Not at all.

I feel like I do live a full life as a single woman. I have a fantastic career that I love. I have a great family and wonderful friends. Sure, I don't have any children, but I don't need to be married for that. So why do people look at me like they feel sorry for me when they hear I'm single. Why do they ask what is wrong? It's as if it's not a choice, but a situation I got stuck in.

I know lots of married people who are very happy. I also know single people who have no intention of ever getting married. They don't feel the need to have another person to "complete" them.

I don't believe that there is really any proof that either being single or married is better. I think it really is dependent on the individual. Some people just like the whole family setup. House, spouse, kids, pets, etc.

When I was a little girl, it was always just an assumption that I would grow up, meet the "perfect" person , get married, have kids, and live "happily ever after". Even though I thought about it, I was never one of those girls that "planned" her wedding. I didn't read bridal magazines, or pick out colors for my bridal party to wear. I didn't have a "song" for my first dance, or honeymoon destination picked out.
I have been a bridesmaid twice. Neither time was I  jealous of the bride.

I have seen numerous friends and family members get married and have children. I get the Christmas cards and see the Facebook posts. I am happy for them all. Do I think they have a better or more fulfilling life? Not really.

I have also seen people who got married in their 20's and ended up getting divorced. I know of people on their second marriage and even some on their second divorce.

I have recently started to think about getting back into the dating "scene". The most recent experiences were not that great and made me see I may not be missing out on much after all. I do know I haven't exactly been looking for a partner. It's not that easy to meet quality people. The older I get, the harder it becomes. Most of my friends are married. I'm not a fan of online dating. I don't really go to clubs anymore. Honestly, I don't really look for dates.

I'm not saying I wouldn't get married. There was a time when I was sure the man I was with would eventually propose. It didn't happen. I lived. Yes, I think about having a companion for life. Someone that I can cook for, tell all my secrets, desires and dreams to. Someone to share funny stories with. Someone to make memories with. It's just that it's not my goal in life.

My brother would say "you can't meet anyone if you don't leave the house."  While this is very true, it remains that I'm just not in any rush. If I met someone I found attractive that I had common interests with and they asked me out I would say yes. It's just not a priority. If people can't understand that, it's fine by me.

There may very well be a Mr. Right out there somewhere. I'm sure there are plenty of quality men. Maybe I'm just not meant to be committed to one person. Sometimes knowing you are available is kind of fun. There is a little bit of satisfaction in listening to my married friends complain and thinking I don't have to deal with some of those issues. Other times, I think about what my life would be like if I were married. Would I be better off? Who really knows?

For now, my life is good. Having a spouse or partner wouldn't guarantee my life would be better. As for a child? Let's just say my biological clock hasn't run out yet, but THAT is topic for a different blog post.