Friday, March 20, 2015

Thoughts On Moving Forward

It's been a while since I've posted here. A long while. It's just that I haven't quite felt the desire to write anything. I barely felt the desire to read anything much, either. I think it started when my grandparents passed away last year. It was such a shock to lose both of them in such a short period of time-6 weeks apart. I know it happens. When two people are together as long as they were, if one passes away, it's not uncommon for the other to soon pass as well. I just never heard of it happening so close. I guess it was too much for me.

It took me a while to get back into my normal routine. Work was first, of course. You get the standard, acceptable time frame to grieve. A week. Really though. How can one even put a time stamp on grieving. Everyone grieves in their own way, in their own time. I know I looked like I was fine and able to move on, but inside? No. Inside was a different story. The loss was very difficult for me. Not to say it wasn't for my brother and sister and especially my mother. I just think for me it was extemely hard because I tend to let my emotions stay inside, building up like a volcano, until it erupts into a fury.

I guess maybe that's my biggest flaw. Ok, not the BIGGEST, but close. I keep things bottled up. Then when I finally do let them out, I'm like a crazy person. I say too much. I say things that can be hurtful. I don't mean it. I just do. I also have a hard time apologizing. Maybe THAT is my biggest flaw.

Anyway, I've been trying to get back into writing because this is kind of an outlet for me. It's really why I started a blog to begin with. So I can have a way to express my feelings and thoughts in a healthy way. Some may even say a productive way. I certainly have no issues expressing the way I feel in words-just not on paper, or in this case, the internet.

It's been months since I lost my grandparents. A lot has happened. Thanksgiving, Christmas. I have gotten in touch with my dad and we are rebuilding our relationship. My sister got engaged. I've moved into a new home. I'm trying to get back to normal. Normal. Hahaha. Whatever THAT means.

Hopefully now I will be able to continue to post more frequently, even if they aren't long posts. If I can tweet all day long, I certainly can write a blog post, right?

So here we go. A new beginning. I hope it's a good one. So far 2015 has been pretty good to this redhead. Let's hope it continues.

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